ABOUT OUR GLORIOUS P-A-R-T-Y
The Minor P-a-r-t-y Phunctionary, Phringus...
Phringus Fuller Malarkey is the minor p-a-r-t-y phunictionary responsible for managing the propaganda machine you are now viewing. Phringus has been a loyal Appalachian Communist for over 15 minutes...perhaps the longest such member in recent memory!
About The P-a-r-t-y...
...where you'll get the truth...even if we have to make it up!Listen, folks... We've come to an astounding conclusion for ourselves (and for you, too!) It is this: For over two hundred years the people of Appalachia have had a government imposed upon them from "outside". At the whim of others we are taxed, manipulated, legislated, and masticated...and we're fed up with it!
We don't believe that ANYBODY has the right to order us around. We reserve the right to order ourselves around! And we are turning the tables on the unresponsive powers that be! Starting today, at 11:03:28 all Appalachia is declared to be under a provisional government and we're gonna order everyone else around for a change!
Fellow Appalachianders... Is it not time that we seize our own destiny? Is it not time for us make our own choices? Is it not time for you all to give up your six buck entrance fee? And an additional six bucks for the parking fee? And you may as well go ahead and cough up the six buck exit fee, now, too.
I tell you...the times are a-changing! No longer will we sit still while outsiders plunder and pilfer! From now on, we're gonna do it ourselves!
And another thing...don't you all just loooove Guv Bob and the way he swings that iron fist of his? Where you gonna find an Attorney Generality like our own beloved Larry Smith?
Sure, I know our enemies are powerful and they are -- even now -- spreadin' the vile, wicked, scurrilous truth about us! But that's no reason for us to give up! We'll just learn to tell a lie better'n they can tell the truth, ok? Ok.
Still more about the pathetic existence of ol' Phringus...
You have at last discovered the sad confirmation of the fears of the Luddites and anti-technology crowd. A place where sullen old age with its attendant wrinkles, aches, ugliness, and odors holds forth in unabashed, self-unconscious, and unrestrained verbiage. It does so in the person of a gaseous old wind bag named, Phringus.
His name is synonymous with "doofus" and "fool"...His name is his mission statement.
The world has not long awaited the coming of this mouldy prophet of doom and death. More likely, had it but known the pestilence and flatulence that would attend his emergence into the society of humankind, they would have sealed the womb that bore him or, at the least, burned his cradle as he slept.
But that was not to be. Born in obscurity, raised in negligence, and fostered in ignorance, Phringus Fuller Malarkey *has* appeared at this late stage of human history and is considered by the followers of various religions to be one of the signs of the impending apocalypse.
Friend, have you anything so pressing that you may not indulge yourself in a few moments of harmless perusal?
Then stay, friend...stay and know that you are welcome in this place of strange distortions and weird manifestations from worlds both corporeal and not.
(Don't mind the sound of insane laughter coming from down that long hall. It's just another visitor, like yourself, who arrived here a while before.)
Now here's the key...go anywhere you'd like...enjoy yourself...only, please, don't touch anything moist or sticky in the place. Phringus may have been about...
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Want to send The CPA a brief note? Email us at
Phringus AT Newsguy DOT com
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The Communist Party of Appalachia
